There are these pesky little myths of motherhood that are making life EVEN harder than it has to be for us moms.
Are you exhausted, over-stretched, and struggling to get it all done? These myths might be holding you back!
Myths of Motherhood
You get to be whatever kind of mom you want to be. You don't have to do it like your mom did or like the TV moms do.
These myths are making it harder for you to actually live your life and raise your family. Not to mention they're old, outdated, and harmful.
Check these out and see if any of them apply to you. And if they do... get 'em out of your head RIGHT AWAY.
Myth #1: The job of the mom is to self-sacrifice and give everything you have to your family
Heard this one before?
About how you have to sacrifice as a mom and give every ounce of energy and time to your family or else you’re not a good mom?
And if you take a second to answer an email on your phone while you're with your kids we should call CPS because you’re not connecting with them every second?
This is everywhere. And it’s killing us.
We all would do anything for our kids. But we can’t do EVERYTHING. And we can’t give EVERYTHING.
We have to keep some for ourselves to have a good life: some energy, some time, some money, some mental space.
So bust this one right out of your head. We’re not going to do this anymore.
I have strategies that you can start using TODAY to cut down the time you’re working with the house and parenting… these strategies actually get you back some time for YOU (or sleep, or whatever).
THIS is the way to approach the unending work of motherhood-- not by working LONGER or until you’re collapsed at the end of the day, but by putting systems in place that get you back time and energy.
Myth #2: It's YOUR job to run the home
This is an oldie. Back in the day when a man purchased a woman as a wife to run the house, make sure he didn’t starve, and give him heirs, it WAS the woman’s job to exclusively run the home.
But it’s not the middle ages anymore.
Every decade there is a recognition that women have full minds, full lives, and are just as capable in the working world as men.
100 years ago, women’s minds were recognized as separate from their husbands when they won the right to vote (after -ahem- fighting for 100 years for it.)
When my mother was married, she couldn’t get a credit card by herself without her husband’s signature. That was just 50 years ago.
So it’s better now, and it will be even better for our daughters and sons when, in 50 years, women are winning even more of their god-given right to equality.
Is this myth making you accept inequality at home?
But are there some lingering inequalities running in your head? Do you believe that the work of the home is YOURS to do, even if you and your husband both work the same hours outside of the home?
When the kids are sick at school, is it just assumed that your job is less important so you’ll pick them up and miss a day?
Every family is different, and your husband’s job MIGHT be the agreed upon more important one. Or yours could be.
You get to write the rules.
One quick way to find out if there are inequities in your home is to think about how you use time, and to figure out how much time outside of work you are WORKING in the home.
In most homes, even the most enlightened ones, this falls to the women.
In my course, Be the Boss of Your Home, I have a whole module on the ways families use time, helping you figure out how to split up the work of running the home and ways to communicate with your family so it can be more equal.
If you are currently suffering because you feel like the work you do is invisible and undervalued, like you’re supposed to count WORKING in the home as “family time,” you can debunk that old myth right now.
It doesn’t have to be true for you and your family. You can divide the work up equally, or hire someone to lighten the load, or teach your kids to do all the chores, or whatever you want.
Myth #3: It's supposed to be exhausting and involve a lot of wine
Here’s another one: being a “hot mess mom” is just how it’s done. And it involves a lot of wine at the end of the day.
If you’re falling down exhausted after bedtime and drinking to shut your brain off for just a second, you’re working too hard.
If those memes about wine o clock are hitting a little close to home, you’re working too hard.
My methods are not about working harder. They’re not about allowing your house to go to shit.
I believe the middle way is to put systems in place at home that actually get you more time back.
These are the same systems we use in my day job as a school principal.
When I started to help moms put these systems in place at home, it was easy to see that no matter whether they were naturally organized or a total mess-- putting systems in place made the difference.
I'm talking systems that lighten your load: how to keep your home organized, how to save time with your weekend chores, how to wrangle their toys, manage your money, and get your family to help you run the home so you're not the only one doing all the work.
Myth #4: When your kids are grown, THEN it's your time
This is SO not true.
It is your time NOW mom.
You don’t have to wait on your dreams and goals until the kids move out.
Number one, you didn’t agree to put off your own life for 20 years when you had children.
And number two, your kids need to grow up with a model for what it means to live a full life.
Would you like your kids to say “Oh, my mom never really did anything for herself. She was always available just for us and never traveled or had anything going on until she was like 50 years old. Like when we went to college.”
Or do you want your kids to say “My mom was a badass. She decided to go to law school and she DID."
Or "We would always go cheer mom on at her triathlons,"
Or "Growing up my mom had a huge group of close girlfriends and they went on these epic trips."
Law school. Triathlons. Epic trips. Are you doing that kind of stuff now?
Or are you saying “I could never leave my kids for a weekend,” or “I don’t have time for all that stuff I’m a mom!”
This is your time too. It’s their time AND it’s your time.
These Myths of Motherhood are INACCURATE
And if any of these myths are in your brain it’s time to get them out!
You do NOT have to live under these myths of motherhood. These are old, outdated, and oppressive.
You get to be the woman you are and the kind of mom your kids will admire and respect.
It starts with knowing you can step back and evaluate your home. How does it feel? Does it work for everyone? For you?
You can’t get there by working more. You can’t get ahead on parenting. It’s just always there. So carve out time for YOU to put a system in place that will give you back massive time and energy.